Nervous System Regulation and Conscious Parenting

The nervous system is the body's command center, playing a crucial role in how we experience and interact with the world around us. When our nervous system is balanced, we can access our most authentic selves, fostering resilience, emotional stability, and overall well-being. In this post, we’ll explore the basics of the nervous system, the importance of nervous system regulation, and how being in a state of ventral vagal activation can help us be our true selves and more conscious parents. 

The Basics of the Nervous System

The nervous system is a complex network of nerves and cells that transmit signals between different parts of the body. It is divided into two main parts: the central nervous system (CNS), which includes the brain and spinal cord, and the peripheral nervous system (PNS), which comprises all the nerves that branch out from the CNS to the rest of the body. The PNS is further divided into the somatic nervous system, which controls voluntary movements, and the autonomic nervous system (ANS), which regulates involuntary functions such as heart rate, digestion, and respiratory rate.

Autonomic Nervous System: Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Divisions

The ANS is split into two branches: the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) and the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). The SNS is often referred to as the "fight or flight" system, preparing the body to respond to stress or danger. In contrast, the PNS is known as the "rest and digest" system, promoting relaxation and recovery. While these are the most commonly discussed in the wellness community, it is a little more complicated than that! 

The Role of the Limbic System and Amygdala

Within the brain, the limbic system plays a pivotal role in our emotional responses and the formation of memories. A key component of the limbic system is the amygdala, which is responsible for detecting threats in our environment and triggering the body's stress response. The amygdala constantly scans our surroundings for potential dangers, initiating hormones and neurotransmitters to activate the "fight or flight" response when a threat is perceived. This system evolved to protect us from harm, ensuring our survival in potentially dangerous situations. 

Polyvagal Theory and the Vagus Nerve

Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, provides insight into how our autonomic nervous system responds to stress and regulates our emotional and physiological states. According to this theory, the vagus nerve, a crucial part of the parasympathetic nervous system, has two primary branches: the ventral vagal complex and the dorsal vagal complex.

1. Ventral Vagal Complex: This branch of the vagus nerve supports social engagement, calmness, and feelings of safety. When activated, it promotes a state of calm and connection, enabling us to engage with others, express ourselves authentically, and experience emotional stability. This state is associated with being in a balanced, relaxed state where we can interact socially and manage stress effectively. When we are in a restorative state, this is where we want to be. 

2. Dorsal Vagal Complex: In contrast, the dorsal vagal complex is linked to the "freeze" response. It is activated during extreme stress or perceived danger when the body may go into a state of shutdown or immobilization. This response is more primitive and can manifest as feelings of dissociation, numbness, or extreme fatigue. Think about when an animal might “play dead” when in a stressful situation in nature. Those who experience chronic illness may find themselves in this state, feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to improve their well-being. 

Ventral Vagal State and Authenticity

Again, when we are in a state of ventral vagal activation, our nervous system is balanced, allowing us to feel calm, connected, and grounded. This state fosters authentic self-expression and resilience. It enables us to engage socially, communicate effectively, and respond to life's challenges with greater ease.

In a ventral vagal state, we are more likely to:

• Experience emotional stability

• Be open and receptive to others

• Maintain a sense of calm and safety

• Engage in healthy relationships

• Access our creativity and problem-solving skills

How a Balanced Nervous System Supports Conscious Parenting

A balanced nervous system is essential for effective and conscious parenting. When parents are in a state of ventral vagal activation, they are better equipped to manage stress, respond empathetically, and maintain a calm demeanor. This balance allows for more thoughtful and intentional parenting practices. Even when parents are not in a ventral vagal state, but are able to demonstrate how to move from a stressful situation back into balance, they are setting an example for their children on how to navigate stress as we know, stress is inevitable. 

Benefits of a balanced nervous system for conscious parenting include:

1. Enhanced Emotional Regulation: Parents with a balanced nervous system can better regulate their emotions, leading to more consistent and thoughtful responses to their children's needs and behaviors.

2. Improved Communication: Being in a state of calm and connection fosters open and constructive communication with children, helping to build trust and understanding.

3. Increased Patience: A regulated nervous system supports patience and reduces the likelihood of reacting impulsively or with frustration.

4. Better Role Modeling: When parents manage their stress effectively, they model healthy emotional regulation and problem-solving skills for their children.

5. Stronger Bonding: A balanced state allows for more meaningful interactions and connections with children, promoting secure and nurturing relationships.

As you can see, when we’re in this ventral vagal state, parenting becomes easier and more enjoyable. For me, authenticity is one of my top values. I deeply appreciate when those around me are their truest selves, and I want to pass this value on to my child. But to teach authenticity, I have to model it first.

Modeling behavior is one of the most powerful ways our children learn. If I want my child to grow up feeling safe to be who they truly are, I need to show them how.

Practical Steps for Nervous System Regulation

1. Mindful Breathing/Breathwork: Practice deep, slow breathing to stimulate the vagus nerve and promote a state of calm.

2. Movement and Exercise: Engage in regular physical activity to help regulate the nervous system.

3. Connection and Support: Foster social connections and seek support from loved ones or professionals.

4. Mindfulness and Meditation: Incorporate mindfulness practices to enhance self-awareness and reduce stress.

5. Healthy Lifestyle Choices: Ensure adequate sleep, balanced nutrition, and hydration to support overall nervous system health.

My Recent Journey in Nervous System Regulation

July 2024 was a tough month for our family. Between the loss of my husband’s job and the sudden passing of my friend. I could feel myself becoming more reactive to the world around me. I was less patient with my son. Yelling more, experiencing insomnia. So I turned to breathwork. This modality is something that I have been exploring as a tool in my own tool box to help reset my nervous system.

I’ve recently partnered with The Reconnected as an affiliate for their 21 Day Nervous System Reset. If you’re interested in learning more about breathwork, I highly recommend you check out this program. You can learn more here: 21 Day Nervous System Reset.

Conclusion

Understanding and nurturing our nervous system can profoundly impact our ability to live consciously. By recognizing the signs of nervous system dysregulation and actively working towards a balanced state, we can enhance our emotional well-being and resilience, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life which will impact our parenting and how we raise our children.

The nervous system grows the most from the time of conception until the age of about 3. But even after that it isn’t fully formed until almost 30 years old. In order to completely regulate, we often need those around us to help us feel safe. Safety is at the root of our basic survival as human beings. While we aren’t being hunted as prey anymore, there is still an innate part of us that knows we need connection to feel safe. That first connection we receive in life is often from our parents and certain care givers. The more regulated we can be as parents, the sooner our offspring will learn these important skills for themselves allowing them to feel safe to express their most authentic selves as well.

References

• MastCell360. (n.d.). Signs of nervous system dysregulation with mast cell activation syndrome. Retrieved from https://mastcell360.com/signs-of-nervous-system-dysregulation-with-mast-cell-activation-syndrome/

• Primal Trust. (n.d.). What is nervous system regulation? Retrieved from https://www.primaltrust.org/what-is-nervous-system-regulation/

• Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. New York: W.W. Norton & Company.